picking up the pieces

I heard Ash's voice in my head again from the green chakram thing because I accidentally cut myself on it when the world was blowing up, so he had a direct link to my nerves, which lead to the old headcase.

[[You may open your eyes now, Koen.]]

Okay, so I opened one eye. Still couldn't see anything.

"Dave? Wouldja mind letting go of my head?"

"Oh yeah...sorry Boss."

It 's desolate as always down in this crater next to New Babbage that everybody knows about but is afraid to even talk about.  Because they don't want whatever happened down here to happen up there. But I think it just did.

"No more flames, that's a good sign. Is it safe? I'm feelin' a little woozy. How much oxygen we got left with all of us..."

[[Not enough. Scanning. Atmosphere is safe.]] 

A big rush of air, hot and dry like the Wastelands. Thank Bast! Let me tell ya I don't think any of these kids have ever taken a bath in their lives!

[[Scanning life forms. All accounted for...except two.]]

Whoa! Was that a shot of anger I felt coming out of him? Ash is always the cool calm and collected one, at least in front of strangers.

[[I must investigate. Severing connection.]]

"SEVER?!?!?"

[[Rephrasing. Disconnecting. I will seal the wound. Please stretch out your paw.]]

Yeah, the fur on my arm was pretty soaked. Luckily my fur was the same color as my OW SHIT THAT HURTS blood. And there he goes floating off to reconnect with his body. His soul chip must have been fused into that thing.

"Boss! Is that Ryan down there?"

In a flash I'm four-pawin' it down there.  I don't know how it happened, but Ryan was STILL frozen under thick ice and holding that Doctor Brain dude over his head like he's gonna throw it down!

"Now this? This doesn't make any sense!"

"The energy shield for my armor is integrated into my escape unit."

Everybody jumped back. That has Cold Dead Hans' voice! He's still in that jar!

"I was able to use it to protect this carrier instead of the one of I built. If only I set to protect from internal explosions..."

"Yeah well you won't be so smug when that ice melts off! And that's gonna happen fast. You stay there. I gotta check up on my Dad."

He was cursin' somethin' at me but I didn't give a shit. There's the blown up armor thing up ahead. Gettin' closer.

"Don't touch that puddle, kids. I think that was the pink girl..."

"Mister Koen's Dad? Is you still livin'?" I heard crunching sounds.

Oh. Freakin'. BAST.

"GET OFFA HIM!"

I think I'm gonna be sick. He's burnt to a crisp...hunched over...

"Kira...Sprog? Pea?"

I perked an ear. There's breathin'. Two people breathin'!"

"Sorry Dad let me just...lift you off here..."

He wasn't so badly burned on his front. His gas mask was still on. The girls have some blisters and singed eyebrows but...they're alive!

"Well done."

"HEY! This ain't the time for jokes! That was my..." I looked up. Yep, it was Him.

"No pun intended, child."

"Hey Boss, who's da guy wit' da wings?"

"He's...he's my Grandpa. You guys try ant tie down Ryan again and get that jerk in the jar. Me and the big guy gotta talk."

They high-tailed it out. They never seen a demon before.

"Yagi and Darien are gone? Is this how you planned it?"

"They are unfortunate casualties of war. But their sacrifice was not..."

I got pushed aside. HARD. I'm lookin' up and Ash is back in his body and he's lifting BW up by his throat!

"Ethical parameters overloaded! Moral compass shattered! FATAL ERROR!"

Oh NO...

shelter

Don't get me wrong. It gets cold in the Wastelands. There's only a handful of trees and some cracked concrete bunkers here and there to hold enough of that searing heat in when the sun goes down. I've got enough fur to make it by curling up in a crack with my fangs chattering like crazy.

But this is something else. The Crater is filling up with huge flakes of snow wadding up into blankets on the ground. I'm not hopping over sharp gravel anymore but my paws are digging into biting snow to keep from slipping into whatever hazards are still out here. I swear it's colder than Dad's freezer, and getting dark and colder still. We're going to die out here unless...

There. something glowing. Yes, I can make out the circle under the snow. It's Ash's power circle...thing. I have to dive my arm in, almost crushing my face against the snow. My fingers getting so numb I can't tell if they're still connected. Should I even be OW!

It's an electrical jolt jumping from my fingers up my arm and rattling my spine. I feel the hair on my neck standing straight up as I pull back, covering my eyes from this all this blinding green!

Wait...I'm feeling warm. I can still see the snow dumping down but none of it's landing on me. I look down and the snow's melting away. No, not melting. Evaporating. The ground's dry already!

We've practiced this for the sandstorms.

"SHELLLLTERRRRR!!!" I shout over and over while I hold the ring up high.

The kids pour in from all directions, crowding around me and still shivering. Most of them have frostbite. Hopefully not the kind you don't recover from.

I call a sound off. Everybody accounted for except Blue and Sprog. And Ryan.

"Did anybody catch that brain thing?" Silence. "Alright, we gotta find the others. Anybody know which way...?"

I felt the ring tugging hard.

"Okay! Moving huddle! THIS WAY!"

I don't know how the girls are gonna hang on or we even should be saving Ryan. But we don't leave our buddies behind.

"Is you gonna say some rhymin' words and make glowy stuff, Chief?" one of the kids asked me as he PULLED ON MY GODDAMN TAIL to follow me up an icy slope.

"What, me? No. I'm no hero. Just a survivor like the rest of us." I looked back and squinted at him. The ring was stuck to my hand so I shook my finger at him with the other. "And if you pull on my tail again I'll..."

"Chief? You're floatin'!"

And damned if I wasn't.

the wager

"Guys. I'll handle this. Watch Ryan. Gag his mouth in case he gets bitey."

Neobrokrug was cordial enough whenever he showed up. But if you ever asked for help with something that wasn't rent related he usually talked right past you. It's not that he's cruel. He just doesn't care about organics. I think he's just not programmed to care. Or maybe that part of him got lost. Or maybe there was another robot built by whoever built him to care for the survivors and he broke down. Doesn't really matter at this point. I just know he's got no heartstrings to tug.

I tiptoed over the daisy chain of junk that looked like it fell out the back of an airship shipping rejects from a mad scientist's fire sale.

"Um. Hi Mr. Neobrokrug."

"Hello Koen!"

His voice was...nice, but creepy. Too nice for the hell he managed. He didn't look at me. He was too busy tapping on a broken pane of glass. I think they called them "App-tablets" or something. I peered over his shoulder. It looked like he was magnifying on the robot dude with the bad haircut. Kind of an X-ray...something in his chest, pulsing blue.

"Is that a reactor core?"

"Yes, cold fusion. You know people will spend centuries trying to build it. One day they will and they'll learn the way this fellow will. With a cataclysmic explosion."

Aw Bast. He's way too casual about this.

"Well y'know...New Babbage won't mesh too well with the rest of this place."

"I wouldn't say that. We have more than enough room...more than enough room..."

Did I mention he was creepy? I had to keep my spine straight just talking to him.

"So there's no chance of disconnecting his core before it explodes?'

"It is possible..."

"I could!"

"I have gone through a lot of trouble to get ready."

I rolled my eyes.

"Look...Neo...can I call you Neo?"

"Sure."

"Do you know what will happen if you phase New Babbage into the Wastelands? You're going to have survivors, right?"

"Of course."

"And there's going to be Sparks in there, I guarantee it."

"Sparks?"

"Steampunks. Mad scientists. Gifted engineers. Maybe even the Clockwinder."

"Interesting."

"And I haven't even mentioned the Bolsheviks and the Church of the Builder and Cult of Dagon..."

"Rule #48: No summoning of beings from the outer planes..."

I edged closer as he leaned over to twist some dials on a half-melted block of plastic.

"And do you know what steampunks do when they lose everything? They start over. They'll drink cactus-juice tea from broken china and throw formal balls in tattered gowns like nothing ever happened. And one thing about steampunk culture...it's infectious. People start being NICE to each other, at least in public. No more people fighting each other for scrap that you bury in the sand in random places for us to find. You're gonna need a new distribution model."

"That...will take some minor adjustments..."

"And with the Sparks? They'll just take the scrap and build more stuff. And I'm not talking nailguns here. Unless it's to build a Tesla tower. And then everything else to run off of the Tesla tower."

"I won't allow that."

"They'll keep trying. They won't just survive. They'll rebuild. With their manners and their technology they'll bring something we still don't have."

"You have everything you need here. You just need to find it."

"They'll bring civilization."

Neo's tablet thing sputtered with sparks and he dropped it from his free hand.

"This won't be the Wastelands anymore. It'll be New New Babbage. Not your Museum to the Folly of Mankind or whatever you want this to be. This won't be your limbo anymore. This will be a place..."

He turned his head and looked straight at me. Mismatched robotic eyes clouded by the exhaust seeping out from under his helmet.

"You are welcome to try."

"How much time...?"

"Two hours at most."

"KIDS!"

They rushed up and lined in formation. Just like I taught them to. I watched enough of that militia across from the slough (mulisha they call it) to learn a bit about keeping a unit together. Two of the kids in the back were carrying Ryan.

"Say Neo, is that a hover-board?"

"It is an antigravity conveyance. I used it to carry..."

"Thanks!" I jumped on and kicked the switch on the engine. The back of it started glowing as I fought to keep balance.

"You two in the back? See that hill down there? Meet me there. The rest of you, knock that big thing down. Pry it open if you can. If you open it don't smash anything. Just pull stuff out. Lay it on the ground. Hopefully my Dad can defuse it in time. EVERYBODY MOVE!"

I've never seen a bunch of kids look so fierce. I plowed way ahead of them on the board. Just as I got close enough for them to see me they both started running!

"DAMMIT DAD DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?"

the stakes

“WE’RE THE SPIDERS! YOU’RE THE FLIES!” they shouted as they laughed and chased me from the scorching desert into the shadowy ravine.

I was running on all fours, bounding from one wall of the narrow fissure to the other trying to dodge the nail gun. I felt one slam into my shoulder and knock off the metal bowl I was wearing for armor. I spun and arched my back as the crunch of boots sprinting through sand and grit grew louder. A couple of Spider gangers trotted in, blocking my exit. One of them had clammy yellow skin. A ghoul. He was carrying a stick with a sharp bird beak wrapped at one end as a weapon. The other one had his face wrapped up, but I’m sure he was human. That was the bastard with the nailgun. I shoved my paws into the loose dry dirt and pulled out the rusty machete I hid there last night.

“Oh clever manimal he is!” taunted the ghoul. “Y’claws ain’t enough? I got me own!” That was true. Even in this mutated form I still didn’t grow claws. Not that they’d come close to being as nasty as those bony bloody fingers the ghoul was stretching. Ghoul-boy flicked his tongue like a snake. “Let’s have at it then!”

I let out a deep roar that echoed through the ravine. That’s when the rest of the kids pushed themselves out of the nooks and crannies in this rocky passageway. They were all the same dry red clay color from their camouflage. The three kid gangs were always chasing each other off, but we had a common threat. So I was able to get them all to hid in one place, and armed to the teeth.

“We’re onto you!” I pointed at the two Spiders. “Luring kids into your parlor or whatever you call it with a trail of candy! You! You’re a ghoul...I’m not judging you for WHAT you eat. But when you don’t gnaw on people your own size...you’re gonna PAY. But YOU!” I pointed at the guy with the nail gun. “Corwin is it? Corey? Doesn’t even matter because you...and your undead buddy right here...are officially SCRAPPED!”

Bleue and her NPAKs - the older kids - laid in with the missiles. Crossbows, nailguns, and I think I even heard some gunpowder. Those two bastards dropped pretty fast. Once they ran out of ammo then Kira...I mean...Kira junior...just call her Sprog... and her Runts moved in with their spiky clubs to make sure they weren’t playing dead. Finally the youngest contingent...Pea and her Sand Brats...moved in with their knives and cleavers. I looked away for this part.

That’s when I heard the scream.

“Mistah Koen! Mistah Koen!” I was still getting used to being called Mister. But in the Wastelands when you’re sixteen you’re practically middle-aged.

“The ghoul bit Ryan!”

“OH HOLY...!”

I rushed over. The two spiders were...well, out of commission. But Ryan...shit, he’s just this little blond boy with bad teeth, kinda Russian accent. Always hyper, But now he was lyin’ still. Bad sign. I started wiping down my blade.

“I’m sorry kid, but we’re gonna have to ampu...tate...?”

The bite was on his neck. That wasn’t gonna work. And he was already getting jaundiced.

“Aw crap...no no no not you Ryan not YOU...”

I’ve gotten used to a lot of crap in the Wastelands. Humans eating each other. A robotic landlord named Neobrokrug that didn’t care if you lived or died. A robot ice cream truck that still gave out ice cream. But the ghouls still scared the shit outta me. I knew a couple that didn’t attack living folks on sight, but still it’s a horrible way to exist.

Pea stood behind me, looking down at him.

“Pea?” I asked. “He’s gonna turn. He’s one of yours...if you guys wanna put him out of his misery you better...”

And that’s when the ground started to shake. Boulders started falling into the ravine. We were blinded by a cloud of dirt and sand.

“EVERY KID FOR HIMSELF!”

But of course that’s not what happened. We all huddled together crying and screaming. Well I wasn’t crying and screaming. Well it was so noisy it was hard to tell... By the time got the grit out of my eyes I could see the sunrise. Wait...we’re in a damn ravine...where the HELL is the sun coming from? Hmm, the end of the ravine opened up. What is this, a crater?

“Mistah Koen? I think that’s Neo...”

I’ll be damned if it wasn’t. Imagine a skinny robot made of junkyard scrap, with a fake plywood cube over one hand and a dented army helmet. That’s Neobrokrug. You never saw the guy unless he was collecting rent, smacking someone down for illegal weapons or...

“Aw shit he's pulling in more Wastelands!”

Remember how I said this place was an ashcan for destroyed cities? Somewhere in time a city is on the brink of annihilation. It’s Neo’s job to rescue...well maybe preserve is a better word...a good chunk of it before disaster wipes it off the map. He was surrounded by cobbled-together machinery that looked even dicier than him. Bleue pulled out her binoculars and peered down the crater.

“Koen. You really need to see this.” She passed the binocs to me.

“The girl in the pink dress?” Bast, she was dressed like one of my dad’s clockwork dolls.

“To the right of her.”

Some kinda flashing light...it was a battle. Some giant robot with scraggly beard and hat like a Jaegermonster...and a guy in a soldier’s uniform fighting him. Aether saber....medic’s belt...aether goggles...mustache...

“Holy crap that’s my DAD!”

I lowered the binocs, trying to make sense of what I just saw. Were we back in the Steamlands? No, this was an overlap. A huge chunk of the Steamlands was on its way to us. Everybody knew about the Caldon remnant. That was one of the first regions that made up this hellhole. Finally enough of the dust cleared that I could make out the outline of the city on the horizon.

“OH SWEET BAST!!! THAT’S NEW BABBAGE!!!”

Curiosity

The Regent had a video game machine in one of the rooms. I started playing it. It was called the Wastelands. Guess what.

It's not a game.

I've been trapped here in the desert for almost a month now. I'm not sure where or when this place is. Nobody here does. It's a bunch of ruins all jumbled together. Caledonian, Aztec, Suffugium, 20th century America, dinosaur bones...I think this place is one cosmic ash heap where memories of fallen empires go.

Blazing hot in the day, freezing at night. I've never been so hungry. Even a New Babbage rat sounds good to me now. You wouldn't believe what passes for food out here. Still trying to find any scrap sturdy enough to make into a weapon.

But at least I'm not alone. There are kind folks. Other kids. Some I even recognize.

Kira's here. She must have reincarnated. There's a shack down in the slough where I caught her scent. Everyone here knows her, but I keep missing her. She must be scavenging on the other side of the desert when I'm out. I will find her. I will...

Wren's here. She says she ran out out fuel and woke up centuries later after someone repaired her. Gotta admire your handiwork, Doc.

I teamed up with this girl named Bleue. We're meeting at Kira's and forming a tribe. NPAK Runts I think we're calling it. Pooling our resources. Protecting ourselves.

Did the Regent set me up on purpose to get me off his time machine? I don't know. I hope someone finds this message. Back to the hunt.

a first chance at a second impression

I sat and watched from the holographic monitor as Qlippothic lifted the neko to his feet.

"It is not your fault, Koen. I pushed you too hard. Unlike Ash and myself I should have allotted you time for food and sleep."

I savored the last spoonful of caviar and placed the glass back on the silver tray my Companion was holding beside me.

"She's right, you know..." I cast a glance at the brown-haired boy in the butler's outfit, who earnestly nodded in agreement.

 "And I wouldn't have taken it..." he grumbled as he wearily punched a line of holes with his can opener. "So we launched too early...did we prevent the chain reaction?"

I looked away while she removed her metallic shell and put on one of the Doc's lab uniforms from the cabinet I didn't rip open."We did absorb the initial shockwave. In fact...the chain reaction was much stronger than we had anticipated. Had we attempted to launch on schedule we may well have disintegrated."

"What about the rest of the blast?"

"Shunted forward in time to the same spot...in 1908. The authorities will have several years of preparation to evacuate the area."

"If we get back to warn them!"

"True."

I stood up and leaned down to address my young Companion.

"I don't expect too much trouble from these guests, Brian. But fetch my galvanic staff just in case."

"Yes Sir!" And off he scurried with the tray. I refocused my attention on the hologram.

"Why aren't you still in the power core, Qli?"

"Something is wrong. We seem to be...stuck."

"Stuck? Did we land somewhere?"

"Not quite...more accurately I would say we are contained inside another time machine."

"Oh crap...we hit a TARDIS?"

Brian passed my staff, and with it I rapped on the outside of large plate that had been hastily welded to their vehicle. "I'm afraid you did!" I shouted. "You've materialized in the middle of my library!"

"Oh Bast! We're sorry! Ummm I guess we need your help in getting unstuck?"

With a tap of my staff the welding dissolved and the plate fell with a crash on the carpet. I used the staff as leverage to hop over the jagged tear in their orb. I adjusted the ruffles in my collar as took a closer look at their machinery.

"Oh yes...classic Mason galvanic tesseraction principles. Unrefined yet functional. That's the advantage to something this simple, you see. Far less factors to what can go wrong... Unless you try something like jump-starting it with a geothermal explosion, of course..."

"Koen? Isn't that the same staff you used to close the Demon Wasp portal?"

"Astute as always, Qlippothic. Oh my apologies, I don't think we've been formally introduced. My name is also Koen. But you may call me the Regent."

"NO NO NO this isn't possible! You looked like an old ME! Now you look like a white tiger with green eyes in a pastel fop suit?"

I huffed in disapproval. "The strain of shifting my Earth into a dimension that wasn't collapsing was too much for that old body, so I regenerated. This shouldn't surprise you. And seriously, the whole chimney-sweep look you've got going now is just embarrassing!"

"NO! NO [expletive deleted] WAY! I'm not going to look like that! You dress dorkier than our DAD and I didn't think that was even POSSIBLE! Prove it! Prove you're the Regent I met in Seraph City!"

"You have seventeen stitches on your left ankle from Wren's bear-trap."

He slunk back to the floor in resignation. "Crap...crap..." He reached in his pocket for a small device and began typing furiously.

I called out into the library. "Brian? Two servings of catnip please..."

He glared back up at me. "YOU POSTED ON MY BLOG?"

"OUR BLOG, young man!"

another fine mess

Now where was I? Oh yeah...

We launched a major assault on Baba Yaga's Siberian base. Oh you shoulda seen it. Hell the snowstorm was so heavy I barely saw it myself. But I sure heard it. And felt it with each explosion. Qlippothic and Ash were crushing robot huts right and left. Bloodwing and Zavael were counterspelling like crazy and generally unleashing cosmic whoopass on undead witches. The Jagers were shooting anything that moved and stomping on them when they were done just to make sure. Those glowing Digital Knight guys that Ash rescued from that other Grid were buzzing around slicing robots with their frisbee-things.

No, I'm not on medication. This really happened. This is pretty standard as far as Mason adventures go. You must be new here?

Well anyway, I was in my inframask suit darting around slashing mummified witches and robot tentacles. Eventually we ran out of things to smash and we generally agreed that we won. The only problem was that the witches set their reactor to self destruct. Instead of panicking like I normally do, I figured out away to hook the reactor up to Qli's galvanic tesseractor and reconfigure the chamber as a time machine, using that explosion to start the engine instead of leaving a huge crater in the middle of Mother Russia.

The Knights knew circuitry like the backs of their hands (which had circuitry on them actually, so it makes sense) and helped us rewire everything. Xavael cast a spell called SEAMLESS ARMOUR which usually is used on SUITS of armor, but he said he heard it got cast on a leaky boat once so he figured it would work on a time machine. And Doc Mason as usual was directing everything from the safety of the New Babbage Consulate.

"Is everything ready?" he asked from a staticky screen perched over my shoulder while I was spotwelding.

"Yes! We double-checked and triple-checked!" I snapped back.

"As a point of testing I've dilated the time in the immediate vicinity to give us the equivalent of days of preparations instead of the actual hours we had left," stated Qli from inside the tube where she was plugging cables into the joints of her brass armor.

"Yeah, it works great. But unlike you Qli some of us need to eat and sleep once every few days!"

"It's quite normal for you to feel cranky in your present state..." interrupted Doc. "Blah blah blah cans of tuna in the lower cabinet..."

FINALLY! I ripped off my goggles and jumped down and started tugging on the cabinet until it blew open with a shower of sparks. Doc started yelling at me as I reached for the fire extinguisher. Ash looked up from where he was riveting the bulkhead as the whole chamber started shaking. "I believe that was the wrong cabinet."

"Is Doc cursing at me in Russian now?"

"No." Qli answered. "You've launched us into hypertime! The feedback through Doctor Mason's connection he sent him into a backwards loop."

"Yeesh. He's gonna tan my..."

Another huge explosion. I wrapped my arms around a support strut as everything that wasn't nailed down got sucked through a hole in the wall where Ash was still hanging on. One of the other cabinets burst open. I saw the cans of tuna spinning in mid-air, hurtling towards the infinite void. I leaped...

"NO!" Screamed Qli as I hit a sliding sheet of metal with full force.

"What happened?" I asked as I waited for the room to stop spinning.

"Ash covered the rupture from the outside and hung on long enough to spot-weld it before he..."

"Before he what? Where...where is he?"

"He is lost." Qli placed a can of tuna on the floor beside me as I curled into a ball. I grabbed and hurled it across the room. I was too busy yowling.

Define "rescue"?

Qli, Ash and I were in the thick of it, fighting these witch-powered stompers to keep them away from Bloodwing (whose guts were laid out in a neat circle around a dimensional gate - don't ask). BW's magic was messy and beyond gross but it did bring Ash back to us. And he brought a posse with him too, the Digital Knights. A bunch of kick-ass warriors made from solid light, which is good because we needed all the help we could get. Qli's voice crackled in my ear on my radio headset.

"Koen! Father is being chased!"

Aw crap. I guess he didn't stay far enough away.

"I'll get him!" I was already dodging and weaving on my skimboard through the stompers, tripping them up with lashes of solid darkness so the Knights could pry 'em open like a pack of urchins at a free lobster buffet.

"Koen. Ash here. I detect two Masons in that sandspeeder. Darien's transmitter is off-frequency."

"TWO? Qli, I need backup!"

"I...am unable to assist."

"Ash here. Intercepting."

"Cloaking," I tap my headset off as I wrap the dark around me until the light bends. There's still a wake of sand behind me but the desert winds are starting to whip up as it is. Ash whizzes by me in a glowing light-cycle and almost cuts me in half with the wall of light he leaves behind him. I hop and glide down the edge of his wall, hiding my wake.

That blingtard's a Mason? Which one? That's a scummy dis...

He's wearing Qli's dancing outfit?

Mystery Mason's firing a souped-up mainland gun at Ash! I have to jump as he shatters the shield wall. Ash's wheels get plugged and the clank goes tumbling.

He's aiming at Darien now. Please Dad, hit the eject...hit the eject...HIT THE DAMN...GOOD!

He blew a hole in the dashboard! Doc's blind from the sparks!

**DECLOAK**

**SHADOW LASH**

GOT HIM! YOWCH! I got the lash stuck in the Tesla turbines and Doc's in the middle! This is NOT the way I wanted to go jet-skiing!

"KOEN! WE'RE GOING TO HIT THE CITY WALLS!"

"I'M STUCK!"

some assembly required

I gotta admit, I almost lost my lunch when Nova opened up that chest and showed me what was left of Bloodwing. My fur stood on end when I heard his voice in my head.

"Are you sure you want to do this now?"

We cannot wait. A day here last weeks where he and his pack are stranded...

I did some fancy mental calculations, the kind you memorize when you start time-travelling.

"Bast...you're right."

Through me shall they find escape.

I looked over the huge circle of glass melted into the sand where Ash got blasted into...someplace else.

"Through you...? Ugh...I hate these Ereb'ai rituals! Qli! You got a pair of tongs?"

killer babushkas?

I was just ready to spear this lizard for dinner when it happened. Spiraling darkness erupting from me, lifting me from the ground. I struggle for balance as I hear it whisper secrets of Erebus into my skull.

Your littermates are dead. All eight of them. Murdered by the Masons. Revenge Revenge Revenge.

I'll take it under advisement.

I just met a parallel me who was living with this curse! But in the other realm this happened after Qli was...

Qli?

I see a giant robot with long clawed stilts for legs lighting up the sands from where it trashed the tent my sister and I set up. It lunges away, but with the speed of thought I'm there, ripping into it like a tin can.

"YOU PICKED THE WRONG NIGHT TO MESS WITH MY FAMILY YOU ROBOT CHICKEN!"

I've got it pinned. It smells like a charnel house inside, and looks worse. Straw? Flasks? Coal brazier? How did all this medieval looking crap get stuffed inside a giant robot like this? Was it bigger on the inside...?

I pull out what looks like a mummy? Like an old hag dropped in the bog and left to preserve when the Druid robes were still in style. It's stuffed halfway in a giant stone...bucket? Was this half of it's sarco...sar...coffin...?

OW! IT'S BITING ME! GET OFF! GET OFF! GET...

*WHAM!*

Whew! Hey, thanks Qli! QLI! You're still alive! Um, who's your friend?

caught in between

Qli's tremors started this morning. Then her body started shifting between human and construct, one piece at a time. Ash tried to help her, but the last time she shifted to metal it damaged Ash's neural network. Now I'm the one holding her down in the null-suit Doc Mason built for me for the Steal Head raid just to keep from getting electrocuted.

Doc tossed his monitor console into the sand bucket as it started to smoke and catch fire.

"I'm afraid my theory is correct, Koen. By turning human she's lost control of the nanobytes that remained with her body. She's caught in a vicious cycle..."

Qli screamed as electricity wrapped around her arm.

"...the more human she gets, the harder her nanobytes work to change her back into a form they can recognize..."

Her arm turned to brass. Luckily she didn't thrash when she was metal.

"...and when she turns back into a construct they fall back to their last command to rebuild her as human. And now they're all completely out of sync!"

"What happened to Ash?"

"The nanobytes started stealing the silicon in his nervous system, it very nearly damaged the circuitry in his soul chip."

"Can you fix this, Doc? ... Dad? Come on!"

"This is far beyond Steamlands technology, Son. She must have added this to her system in one of her trips forward. This is Nova's territory."

"So where the HELL is...?"

"She and Six skipped town in their own ship to get replacement parts for the Revenge. They could be anywhere or anywhen by now."

Qli whimpered as she fell asleep in a rare painless moment of stability.

He rolled down a map of the Steamlands on the Consulate wall.

"Her pain comes from the nanobytes craving silicon. They literally tear her apart to rebuild her. Steelhead's humidity only makes it worse. She needs to rest somewhere dry and sandy..."

He tapped on a spot in a desert, far west of Caledon.

"There's an oasis of Steam technology here...it's region called Cala Mondrago..."

connections in low places

I'd figured out how to use the Time Window to contact New Erebus. Sure enough we found a signal. Jeremiah had a smaller model in his Steelhead workshop, I figured he'd use the same frequency. Some minor focusing, and there he was, clear and crisp, direct from Hell. Sitting in the new improved Throne of Hades, dressed in the scarlet robes.

"Congratulations, Grandpa. Are you getting the crown resized?"

"I'm not wearing a crown, Koen. At the self-coronation, instead of holding the sword up high, I raised a rolled-up copy of the Constitution. Erebus is now a republic."

Wow. I had to sit down for that one. This really isn't the madman that ripped me apart on that arco.

"And you got away with it?"

"There was some consternation at first, of course. But with a promise of only two century-long terms of office, that should convince the noble houses to wait out my reign. Pardon...administration."

"Riiight...about that sword? The Sword of the Blood Wing Knight? We've got an Elder Thing eating people's heads up here in Steelhead..."

"And you need the sword, something powerful enough to slay something before Death, like the Titans. Yes, well unfortunately it broke during the final battle with the Hydra. We're still searching the entire empire for the last fragment."

I pulled the knife from my boot, the one I made a handle for in New Babbage from an umbrella handle and twine, with the jagged dull grey rock for a blade.

"You mean this?"

dis is de briefin'

For all the power that Regent version of me had, All he really wanted to do was laze around with Kira in Kittyswitch. This is for you, old man. And for me.

Mmmm... that's good tea. You don't mind if I jaw you for a while, do ya? Cool. Try the cucumber sandwiches, they're delish!

Well, as you can see, being in the center of that collapsing hellgate jumbled my lifecode. I've got red fur and black stripes now. It's growing on me. Qli was certain that BW got sucked into the hellgate and the Wasp Queen's jaws, but I was right there on the rim of the portal! It shut on the Queen before BW made contact with her! The Founder must have got caught in a flux wave from the collapse. He could be anywhere in the omniverse now. Don't count him out just yet.

So there's a new family member of a sort, Xavael. This bishy angel that popped out of nowhere to fight the wasps by Bloodwing's side. I'm not sure what gender it is, don't think I wanna know. Talks stilted worse than BW. Said something about being the creator of Qli's spheres? I'm not going there right now, my head's still spinning as it is.

Bloodwing was in Grandpa Jeremiah for the battle. And apparently this was a good thing. He's got some broken bones, but he'll live. It's pretty tense when he and Xavael are in the same room. Yeah, I can imagine. So Xavael's in a mortal host too, someone in Steelhead? Did offer me a family discount at the store. But between you and me I'm gonna wait til they catch that critter that's chomping people's heads like brussel sprouts first.

Did they ever catch that guy with the sack eating kids? I think I was dead when all that went down. Bast sakes, glad I'm not an urchin anymore.

My littermates are all accounted for. Getting them all in one place to send them home is gonna be difficult. Assuming they want to go home. They were Crown Prince weren't they?

We're not sure what happened to Uncle Marcus. We know he got a fatal wound and fell into the ocean, but one of Jeremiah's submersibles, the Illuminautilus (Seriously, what kinda name is that? Oh yeah I forgot he was in his crazy evil phase) stole the body. Jeremiah says he had a clone on the ship that would have activated after he died on New Erebus, and that when that clone went down with the ship that activated the machines that reanimated Marcus in the first place. Damn, these Sparks have backups for everything don't they?

Ash saw the ship all the way up in the orbiting Caravel and he flipped on the Pandorus alarm. So the the machinery tried to reanimate grandpa's clone and went overboard? Not good. And whateveritis is running that kraken-ship? Very not good. And it's got Marcus, who was bred to steal control of other people's bodies? SO VERY VERY NOT GOOD!

So, here's some pictures of the new me. That first one I...found the last one of Wren's traps. (I'm OK, really! Steel-toed boots this time!)


And here's the obligatory "Oh look at me I'm so Steampunk!" pose. For The Ladies. Muahahaha!

And here's me fixing the Time Window after the Regent drew that portal energy through it. I wonder what he did with all that extra power?

Could you pass me another crumpet? Thanks.

Say, do I smell catnip?

the other side

"HAHAHAHAHA! We did it! WE DID IT!"

Air raid sirens wail over Seraph City as a circle of absolute darkness widens in all directions overhead, blocking out the sun and plunging the city into starless night.

Atop the tallest building, a grayed old neko in a shimmering robe stares upwards, laughing in jubilation dancing across the border to madness. He bares his remaining fangs as his half-blind crescent pupils stretch across crimson. His silvered ears twitch as he tries to ignore the panic of the masses far below.

"It's so beautiful!" he shrieks. "Total Oblivion, all the way across the sky!"

The urchin with the gaslamp heart clutches his leg, her expression of terror betraying her smoky glasses reserved for the blind.

"What does it mean, Regent? What does it MEAN?"

"I'll tell you what it means, Wren! It means my plan WORKED! That lucky young bastard SUCCEEDED! It means...we're saved! WE'RE SAVED! WE'RE SAAAAVED!! HAHAHAHA...."

From the vantage of space, one would see the moon and slowly the Earth itself disappear through the Void's diameter.

Shortly thereafter, everything else - the Sun and the stars and nebulae blur and fade into nothingness.

Elsewhere...there is a universe very much like our own. Except there is a yellow sun missing a blue planet. And exactly where that orbit is missing is where a portal of lightless Void expands from an atom's width to the point where a planet and its moon slides through.

The Regent stares up at the new sun in silence, his knees buckle and he collapses to the concrete. Wren props up his head as the shadow of angel's wings cross over them both.

"Xavael." The Regent chuckles as he gasps for breath.

"Yes, Regent." A pale hand takes his gnarled paw as the white-robed angel kneels beside him.

"The Sephiroth?" The neko's ears perk anxiously.

Shimmering lights begin to glow through the angel's robes.

"The Tree of Life that your sister carried was connected to the greater. It's destruction hastened the End of All Things. That is why the Void became so powerful in you."

The Regent nodded in solemn agreement. "That's why...the Time Lords..."

"Yes. They taught you well. Here, the Spheres are in harmony again. Now Qlippothic can be rebuilt, and I may awaken her with this gift again. And perhaps...Ash may be rebuilt as well."

The Regent smiled. He looked beyond Xavael's face, and saw fresh grass and boughs gently swaying with springtime's blossoms. He recognized the face of the one sitting there reading a book, ,then standing and running towards him with arms oustretched.

"It's...it's Kira!"

"Yes, Koen." The angel closed his eyes and swallowed. "Go to her. She is waiting. The Void burdens you no more."

The frail old cat's chest rattled sharply a few times. Then he shut his eyes and breathed his last.

Xavael whispered a prayer over him as he nodded to the urchin. "The Regent is dead..."

Koen's body shuddered as the Gallifreyan lifecode woven into his cells began the rejuvenation process. His features flowed like wax. The sleek paw of a young neko with snowy fur squeezed the angel's hand. Xavael smiled warmly down at jade eyes marveling at the world.

"Long live the Regent!"

Later that night and across town, a young boy, shoeless, clad in castoff rags and his face covered in grime, stares at his reflection in the plate glass window of an abandoned storefront. Under the flickering streetlight he watches in astonishment as his scalp bulges and separates, and a pair of horns stretch from his temples. He whimpers from the pressure beneath his shoulder blades as two red shapes rip out from under his shirt...

THE BEGINNING

one-way ticket

Qli and I navigated hypertime back to the Steamlands. I made the final adjustments on the Time Window and unstrapped myself to pull down the stairs above deck. As she was making small talk with Hassanov I secured the ether-tether that created a weightless energy stream from the base of the Regent's staff to the Time Window. I took final look at this...thing my futureself gave me. I'm supposed to stab the edge of the portal like a can opener. I recognize the gray blade at the top. It's the tip of that Blood Wing Knight's sword that snapped off while Marcus and my sibs were fighting the Hydra. I still have mine, that I fastened a knife handle to strapped to my leg.

I was back to full strength so I can use my Void Alchemy to control my fall. Here I go...

Where's the Wasp Queen? I could hear her...

Nova's silver ship flies over me, machine-guns blazing and driving the Queen off.

This portal is huge, but the edge? I can't see it! I can tell where it is from this angle from the red light it gives off on the entrance! This is gonna be...wait! There it is! Steady...steady!

Got it! GAH! Enough with the explosions already! What the Hell's going on? I'm stuck here! I can't get my paws of the damn staff! And all the drones are...flying back into the portal! No, not flying...pulled back! Ah yes the Reverse Polarity trick, works every time!

Aaaand here comes the Wasp Queen...yep, she's flailing, probably screaming unspeakable curses in Vespriumese or whatever the Hell she speaks. WATCH THE CLAWS LADY!

Wait, my littermates are fromt he underworld, too! I hope they're out of range by now! Boy that Queen sure is putting up a fight! She's almost through...

What the...Oh NO! Bloodwing's being pulled towards the portal! And the big bug's still snapping her jaws! FIGHT IT, DEMONFATHER! FIGHT IT!!!

time may change me

What was it that made me and the frozen urchin stand there slack-jawed like a Japanese tourist who stumbled into a Caledonian Burns Supper?

"'Oh hell no?' Is that any way to treat your Regent, Koen?"

Floating in the air. Gold and crimson robes. Red demon wings. The crest of House Bloodwing on the chest.

"Would you expect any less from me?"

An exquisitely decorated staff from an estate sale at the other side of the galaxy.

He descended as quiet as a thought in sleep.

"Yes, Koen. This is my doing."

A gold headdress of a bent circle perched on his shoulders and fanning out behind his head.

I cautiously padded forward. "When did you decide to become Regent?"

Gray fur with traces of black. Bags under his scarlet eyes. Slightly trembling paws with overgrown claws. I won't even think about the teeth.

He let me come close enough to scent him. I lurched back. He ignored my response as he ambled towards Wren. "I had no choice. A construct can't become Regent..." He lay his paw on her shoulder, and her flame danced again. She looked up at him with a quivering lip and frightened eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Regent. He chased me..."

"It's alright, Wren. He's unharmed. That's what matters."

I scratched the back of my head, trying to wrap my head around what he was telling me. I couldn't even put together the words. I was afraid to.

"You understand now, don't you Koen? Why a reconsolidated version of your Qli-Nova just happened to be right under you when you arrived from a fifty-year jump?"

"That was you..."

"Yes. Yes it was."

He scratched the back of his head. Looks like he never quit that habit. Still a bit of red on those silver ears.

"In this timeline..." He leaned over on his staff. Was he exhausted from the giant Void bubble? Or was the headdress or his wings the heavier burden? "The Bloodwing's Revenge crashed before it got to Babbage. It didn't get to Qlippothic in time..."

"The most likely outcome..."

"Yes, Koen. You saw how it ended. No one was there when the Vesprium broke through. No one to hold them back at the hellgate. No one to raise the alarm..."

Wren embraced him while he sank to his knees, leaning on his staff for support.

"I miss Father..." Wren whimpered.

"We didn't even have time to finish mourning and rebuild the Foundation before we realized the Steamlands were being overrun!"

I knelt down next to him, whispering as I shook my head. "Why? Why are you telling me all this? We're not supposed to change..."

"You already changed it when you watched this world through the Time Window! The first thing I did after becoming a Time Lord was to trace those energies back to your ship and devise a rescue! LISTEN TO ME BOY!"

He gripped my shoulder with his other paw.

"Don't end up like me! Trapped with a legacy on your shoulders and nobody left to pass it to!" He looked up at me, trembling with bitterness growing in his eyes. "Look at you, aging yourself in a timejump! You can get those years back with the turn of a dial! I'd give up my last moments just to spend a do-nothing day in Kittiswitch one last..."

"FOR THE LOVE OF BAST WILL YOU JUST STOP!" I broke his grip and leaped to my feet. The bunnies at the other side of the building snapped back into land-piranha mode, converging on the space where I had been cowering moments ago. Theirs ears perked and I saw a hundred pair of green beady eyes staring at us. I assume it was the sight of the Regent that made them leap down to the fire escape.

I felt my back arching and the fur on my neck standing on end. "What do you want me to do?", I snarled.

The old, sad, bitter, weary version of me rose and tilted his staff towards me. I looked down at Wren as she pulled a yellow and tattered old newspaper from under her jacket....

frozen

There's a giant fuzzy tidalwave of serious bionic pain bearing down on me. I spin and run like hell (on all fours no less!) back towards the fire escape, but there's a line of gaslamp bunnies already waiting for me haunched up in a row, all fuzzy wuzzy cute except for those steel uppers and beady radioactive eyes staring at me like I'm a giant carrot. These lop-eared rodents are hopping circles around me! I draw on what little magic I already recovered and hurl a Void bubble as they stretch out their shiny claws and...

...freeze in midair?

Yeah. All of them. Just floating. Lines of bunny drool trailing from their carnivorous bunny mouths. Even their gas flames in their little glass tummies are frozen in place. Except for the one that was caught in a Void bubble the size of a Caledon football. It's scratching furiously at the inside of the bubble, trying to get out.

"What the...?" If I had Qli pouring time-energy into me maybe I could pull something like this off. But my powers don't work that way!

So I carefully slip out from under the bunny-avalanche and look around. I still see the neon signs of Seraph City blinking in the distance. I look up and the stars are twinkling, probably from the clouds of exhaust from the airships. At least I know I didn't freeze this whole freakin' dieselpunk world.

Ah, there's Wren. She's frozen too, just like her pets. She's pointing towards where I was. But she's got this surprised look on her face? She's not looking towards me at all. She's looking up at...

OH. HELL. NO.

smackdown

I kinda like this Seraph City, once you get over the exhaust fumes. But you really gotta watch your step. It seems anybody who's anybody has a horseless carriage and drives like a maniac! But the clubs! They got these crazy new kinda sounds called jazz and swing...wow, how do I even describe them to a Caledonian?

But anyway, at dusk I was struttin' down the street in my new black pinstripe suit and matching fedora en route to the next juke joint when I hear this girl shouting,

"PAPER! GET YOUR NEWSPAPER!"

Aw man, what a letdown. Of course, they would still have urchins in the future. Just look at her in her white blind-glasses and blonde ponytails and her smock glowing from the light in her...WAIT A GODDAM MINUTE!!!

She saw me alright! She ripped off her glasses and smock and dashed for the alley. I bolted after her. Yeah, she's still small and probably knows this city like the back of her hand. But I'm a neko. She covers her light, but I can still see in the dark. She hurls garbage cans at me (note to self: Mason hydraulics) and I leap over 'em.

"You almost cut my FOOT off you psycho little BRAT!"

"That was FIFTY YEARS ago! Get over it!"

"For YOU it's fifty years! I've still got the STITCHES!"

I turn the corner and it's a dead end. She's not there. Then I hear the clatter of the fire escape above. She's zigzagging from one level to the next. I'm jumping from railing to railing. I reach for her ankle as she hoists herself over the rooftop. I grab her ratty old shoe which slips off in my hand.

"WREN! I got a nine letter word for what I'm gonna lay on..."

I land on the gravel of the rooftop. She's standing there, her heart burning under the night sky, her beady eyes glowing a reanimation green...no wait, that's the bunny on her shoulder. And a bunny on her other shoulder. And the dozen at her feet. And another twenty behind her. Here comes another hrair of them. She's surrounded by what, a hundred...gaslamp bunnies?

They've got shiny teeth. Razor-sharp steel I must assume. Aw crap, the claws too?

"Hey..." I chuckle, "Y'know...fifty years is a long time..."

She just points at me.

"GET 'IM!"

Now if I was Doc Mason I'd write something like, "as one, the leaping legion of lepuses advanced upon me" but really the only words that came to mind were "OH SHI--"

Caught!

It was a perfect jump! Why the HELL did the deck explode? The decompression sucked me clean out of the ship, and now I'm headed straight downwards.

Alright, don't panic...magic? Nope. I'm spent. Okay, I just have to land on all fours. I'm a cat. I can do this. I can do this. I can...

"OOF!"

Well that was unexpected. I've landed on the deck of another airship, in the arms a female android who is certainly not my sister. She had a windup key. How very retro.

"Well hello, kitty!"

"Hi. My name's Koen, but thanks for the catch. And you are?"

"I'm pleasure unit SX-069, but you can call me Six."

"Okayyy...like I said, I'm glad to meet you, but would you mind moving your hand please?"

"Why certainly!"

My fur bristled.

"I meant the other hand!"

"SIX!" Shouted a familiar voice from the helm. "Stop groping my brother and secure the tethers on this wreck!"

"Wait, what...brother? I...Qli-2? Is that you?"

"I was Qli-2, yes, but I'm calling myself Nova Sakigake again. We merged."

I shrugged. This is pretty run-of-the-mill for reunions in my family. I peeked behind Six's shoulder and saw the smoldering shell of the Revenge sitting in some sort of steel mesh attached to this ship (SIXES AND SEVENS according to the paint job on the deck.)

And there's the original Qli at the bow. She must have finally disconnected from the Revenge, what's left of it.

"KOEN" She shouted. I waved back with a relieved smile. "KOEN! YOU'VE AGED!"

Yep. My black fur was back. "Puberty was bad enough the first time! I arranged a controlled leak in the zero chamber! I've got from fifteen to thirty, give or take a few months!"

I'm sure she was gonna give me hell for it later. But I knew exactly what I was doing. I'm getting better at this time travel thing. I could make a career out of it?

I tapped Six on her flesh-painted chin. "Speaking of puberty, I asked you to stop..."

She didn't move.

"Oh Hell...you wound down didn't you? ANYBODY GOT A CROWBAR? MINERAL OIL MAYBE?"

nowhere to go but...

Damn wasps. Demon wasps. Demon airship-flying wasps. And the Bloodwing's Revenge just popped up in the middle of a damn fleet of these bastards! Everywhere I turn the periscope, there's more of them!

I'm below deck. We're too high up for me to be on the bridge without insulation and a rebreather, which the airship-pirate vampire who owns this clockwork antique doesn't need. He's got a deep-sea diver suit in the closet, but I can't even lift the brass helmet!

Speaking of whom, Aleister is manning the weapons cockpit upstairs. It sounds like he's got some rotating cannons blazing from all sides of the ship. Look at that smoke. Black powder? Really? Please tell me you don't expect me to reload all of those myself?

Qlippothic's fused herself to the helm. I've got my toeclaws digging into the dusty old carpet with each step because she's got the ship jerking around every which way. Is she trying to shake more wasps off the ship?

I hear buzzing outside the porthole. BAST! That yellow-striped buzzer tried to stab me through the glass! Why is he holding a plank of rotted...oh BAST that's part of the damn HULL!

I turn on the intercom. "Guys! They're trying to rip open the ship down here!"

Qli responds. "I'm trying to keep them of off the main airbag! We've lost half our ropes already! I can barely manage a controlled descent..."

"Deploy the side balloons?"

"Not yet. They will block the chain cannons. Beginning distress signal. Mayday-mayday, invasion fleet intercepted at following coordinates..."

There has to be something I can do...wait...all this machinery...why is this so familiar? I've got it! The Time Window!

I hope Aleister doesn't mind that I'm scratching sigils through his moth-eaten carpet...there...black plumes of energy spreading through and around the ship...

"KOEN! Vat are you doink down zere?"

"I'm using my Void Alchemy to negate the weight of the ship! That will keep us from crashing long enough for us to tesseract the ship to safety!

"KOEN! I do not have the energy to tesseract this entire ship! Even if I wasn't busy with evasive maneuvers..."

"You shake off the bugs! I'll use the Time Window to find a safe timestream to jump into and the void-aura will negate the mass of the ship for you to carry us through!"

"You are turnink mein vessel into a TARDIS?"

Operating the dials...not enough energy for anti-paradox to make a back-jump...has to be the future...

"Und you zink you are some kind of TIME LORD?"

A future full of giant steel hives dotting the landscape? Not good...

"SCHTOP zis instant! I declare it VERBOTEN..."

"Pipe down you bloodwyne-swilling old coot! I can't build Mason techno-magic but I can sure as Hell use it! I figured out my Dad's Retroactive Continuity thing before, didn't I? Sort of? And I've been a Companion for Purdie Uggleh and Professor B!"

There's a city...too much static! Is that a demon with six wings on the tower? Still too blurry! Fine-tuning the fateline axis. No, not a demon...

"Ammunition depleted! Ejecting cannons! Deploying siderail balloons!"

Not a demon... That looks like...

"I've got a lock! Qli! Prepare to jump! Fifty-two-years-one-month-twelve-hours-thirty-six-seconds!"

"Koen! You can't! You'll age squared to the jump!"

"VOID ALCHEMY!"

I've got that angel in my sights...

"Explosions off der pert und starboard! Balloon rails destroyed!"

"TESSERACT IN THREE! TWO! ONE! WARP!"

The ship is pulled through a swirling nimbus of Nothing laced with galvanic torrents of liquefied time. Currents in directions I can't point to tugging at my insides. The Void protects me like a cloak. My personal zero chamber. My black fur is growing back in. My nails are growing longer and sharper. Some currents are getting through, enough for me to see the light of that gleaming metropolis that is hopefully not full of wasps.

Next stop...Seraph City.